Get jokes

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu. You get what you deserve!

My dad went to get milk from Tesco’s.

He never came back.

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

What time is it when you get mad 😡 at school? Time to calm down.

The cemetery sure is overcrowded today.

I guess people are dying to get in.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

How do you get an emo kid out of a tree? Cut the rope.

I couldn’t figure out why the football kept getting bigger... then it hit me!

A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

What do you get when you cross a car with a woman?

A transmission that never shifts.

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

You take four, then you put a "n" at the end, then you take the "u" out, then you replace the "f" with a "p". What do you get?