Get jokes

What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?

Puppies get adopted.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it.

Why don't orphans get dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?

A: A cold shoulder.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't get a home run.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?

Both get hard when we play with them.

POV: You go to Asian prison.

You get served extra rice.

Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it's a soap opera.

Trump built a wall that Mexicans can't get over it.

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.