Get jokes

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?

They both get really high.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't get a home run.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it's a soap opera.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.