Get jokes
I wonder why the baseball was getting larger and larger, then it hit me.
Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.
What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Getting them back in the wheelchair
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
What did the Mexican say when a house landed on him?
Esé said, “Get off me, homes!”
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because the iPhone X doesn't have a home button.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked, and the other doesn’t.
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
What do dark humor and food have in common?
Some get it, some don't.
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
Karen walks into McDonald's.
Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??
Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!
Lady at the counter: yes miss.
Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.
Lady at the counter: *sweats*
Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!