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A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
How are orphans and apples different?
One gets picked.
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.
Why don’t Asians get stung by bees?
Because they are always expected to get “A’s.”
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
What is the difference between the snow boots on a day today, but you have the one was the night you were coming tomorrow? I can get home night time for.
Hello. What can I get you? A knife, mustard, Marella, gorilla?
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"
How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
Q: What do bloods eat when they get sick?
A: Chicken noodle suwoop.
You guys are literally mentally ill. You should get some help. This is so disgusting, ew!
Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.