What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.
Get Jokes
I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."
I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
What do you call Hitler when he gets thrown?
A gas grenade.
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple always gets picked.
I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
Hope the towers are doing well this morning, and I'll get back to you!
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!
P.S., it's Jake.
