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What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
Orphans and punching bags are almost the same.
They both get hit, but a punching bag is still wanted.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
Every second, 1 kid gets diagnosed with homework.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
What do you get when you cross a blonde chick and a garden tool?
A dumbass hoe.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. 𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓭𝓲𝓮.
Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the airport.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
Why does it get hot after a baseball game?
'Cause all the fans have left.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
My bully to his mom after getting "cooked" by me: "Mama, I can't find my hairline!"
My bully. 😭
This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.