Get jokes
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
Memes
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...
Then it hit me!
What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
Kid: I want to be Batman.
Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.