Get jokes

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?

"Why not you stand up for yourself?"

Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

Why are we still fighting in darkness?

"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."

I was wondering why the tennis ball was getting bigger 🤔

Then it hit me 🤧😂

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.

What do you get when you mix a 737 and 767?

A 797.

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

Parents are like food—not all kids get them.

I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.

What do you get when you eat a hamburger?

Mustard gas.

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!