Get jokes
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Worst joke ever.
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
Why will we never get hungry in the desert?
We have lots of sand-which's.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
How do you get 1 million followers:
{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
Why’s BBC called BBC?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-
A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.
After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"
The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."