Get jokes
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
What do you get when Glen fucks an orange?
Adam.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?
De-calf!
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a blender.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
Why was the German in a hurry?
Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Where does Stephen Hawking get his computer fixed?
At PC World.
Where do you get 30% of your agua? From AGUAfers.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
He didn’t, there was no lift...!
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.