Get jokes

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I have a gun,

GET IN THE VAN!!

*on a date*

me - "I get to work with animals all day."

her - "How sweet! What do you do?"

me - "I'm a butcher."

I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.

So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.

How is being gay like a geology class?

You get to lick all the rocks you want.

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

I wondered why the ball was getting bigger... then it hit me.

How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?

A blender.

How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don't get them!

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?

Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.

Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.

When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"