Get jokes
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
You know where I get my soda? Mini-soda.
Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered A minor (get it, like the chord A minor)?
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
What is the best thing about gay people?
They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!