What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
Get Jokes
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
I wonder why the baseball was getting larger and larger, then it hit me.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
When you are playing Fortnite and you get a big W, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
