Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"