Get jokes

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home.

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

A. Cancer.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".

I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.

What number is better than 69?

88 'cause you get ate twice.

What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

Asian Grading scale: A- Average.

B- Half Average.

C- Stupid idiot!

D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!

F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!