My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her? She left the plunger in the toilet she put door knobs on all the walls and she rearranged the furniture
Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?
A: Flip the chair upside down.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
You know what I said to the chair? "Sit!" But it didn't move. Hahaha!
how to blind kids get punished? By moving the furniture around the house
Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"
one thing led to another, now i have a new patio
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
I can't decide if i like rocking chairs or not..I keep going back and forth on them.
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.
Why do orphans prefer IKEA to the Home Depot?
Because the Home Depot provides supplies for *a* home. IKEA just provides furniture.
I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.
