Fruit jokes

During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

Fucking Fruit!

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.

What do you call an orange on a small stick?

Donald Trump.

What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?

They both hang from trees.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.

Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.

Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.

Why don’t oranges 🍊 go around blind?

Because they take Vitamin See!