Fruit jokes

During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

Fucking Fruit!

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.

What do you call an orange on a small stick?

Donald Trump.

What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?

They both hang from trees.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.

Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.

Why don’t oranges 🍊 go around blind?

Because they take Vitamin See!

Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.