Fruit Jokes

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

An apple gets picked.

What do apples and depressed kids have in common?

They both hang on trees.

Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

Meme:

The image shows a magician in the top half, who says, "And for my next trick I will disappear." The bottom half shows a close-up of the same man with a pear next to his face. The text says, "Fuck you pear, you taste like shit."

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

What do cannibals call newborn babies?

Fresh fruit.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.

What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?

An orphan.

Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?

A: Lemon aid.

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?

A. Lemon-aid.

An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.

Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."

Walnut says, "I look like a brain."

Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."

Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

what's the difference between apples and orphans? ... the apples get picked.

What do you call a banana eating a banana?

Canabananalism.

I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"