Friends jokes

What did the salad say to pineapple?

"Lettuce be friends."

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.

I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

Why was the PUBG player sad?

Since all his friends went to school while he went to Pochinki.

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

Q: Can orphans watch family-friendly movies?

If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

My friend said, “there shouldn’t be discrimination, just black and normal.”

That was also the same guy who said [link to joke].

How emos propose: Would you please join my family tree?

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

Why did the skeleton have no friends?

He was a boner!

Heheheh!

Ah, see ya soon kiddo.

I'm going on break.

I'll give you some fried snow later!

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.