Friends jokes

What did the lettuce say to the carrot?

"Lettuce be friends!"

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

Me: What do you call an orphan?

Friend: Homeless.

What do you call a group of emo kids? Suicide squad.

Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?

Because his parents wouldn't let him.

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.

Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.

You are like Papa.

Friends don't lie.

My friends' titties are bigger than my sakuras.

Okay, is this the new thing, saying "Gwen" in your "joke," then people will comment and you can make more friends? If so, then I really need to be saying "Gwen" more in my "jokes or chats."

What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?

If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

Riley....I...I think I wanna be more than friends.