Friends jokes

Confucius say: "Gay man who take far, far away trip, hates to leave friends behind."

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

What did the lettuce say to the carrot?

"Lettuce be friends!"

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.

I don't know why my friends look disgusted.

What do you call your retard friend?

A homie with an extra cromie.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?

Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.

Tell it to your parents and friends!

My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.

Your hairline and forehead must be friends, because they go way back further than the universe.

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?