Friends jokes
Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?
They always hang around.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
Why can't an orphan be friends with Dom Toretto?
Dom doesn't have friends; he has "family."
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Friend: Why?
Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
Why can't orphans go to a friend's house?
Because they can't make themselves at home.
Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"
I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)
To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
Are you my friend?
Because I would make you more than that.
Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?
Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!
Neona (😁): Agreed!
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
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I'm sorry.
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.
I see a dreamer.
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."
Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"
Friend B: "I was until last night."
Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"
Friend B: "Your sister."
Friend A: "I don't have a sister."
Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."