Friends jokes

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?

My Friend: What’s that?

Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

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I'm sorry.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

Who was Goldilocks' best friend?

Goldie.

My friend is so short, whenever I dance with her, it’s like dancing with a golf tee.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?

Because he was grounded.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

I love friends.