Friends jokes

Amnesia

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

People

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

Depression

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

Hairline

Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!

Memes

Wheelchair

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

Family

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

Slavery

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

Hairline

I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.

Food

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

Bathroom

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Carrot

Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?

Because he was grounded.

Pencil

Me: Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: A broken pencil.

Friend: A broken pencil who?

Me: Nevermind, it's pointless.

Time

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

Friend

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

Friend

Friend: Knock, knock.

Me: Who's there?

Friend: Short.

Me: Short who?

Friend: Short you!

Me: 🙁

Friend: 🤣