Friends jokes
I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"
He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"
"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Why does the ice cream have so many friends?
Because he’s cool.
Dr. Dre caught his friend Snoop Dogg looking in other people's drawers. Dre then said, "Don't Snoop around."
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?
Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.
1, 2 look at your shoes.
3, 4 they look better than yours.
5, 6 you have no friends.
7, 8 you look like a ape.
9, 10 don't you like men?
11, 12 hell naw I like females.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo.
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
Hey guys, how was your day?
If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.
I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.
I miss seeing my friends and teachers.