Friends jokes

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

My friend: To get to the other side?

Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.

My friend: Oh.

Me: Knock knock.

My friend: Who's there?

Me: The chicken.

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?

Me: Nah, not really.

Friend: What did they feel like?

Me: 7th grade.

Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨

Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

My friend: "Hey, I see a dwarf!"

Me: "Where?"

Friend: "In front of me."

Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!

My friends: Hi to my little friend!

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

Why does the large dildo not have any friends?

He's a pain in the ass.

Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.

My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.

My friend had no school because of heavy snow. Guess you could say it was a snow school day!

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."