Friends jokes

Cat

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"

Leprechaun

Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

Hitman

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.

Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”

Wheelchair

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

Jesus

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

Memes

Friend

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

Bro

Bro, my friend told me all his humor is dead and dry, and I was like, "Just like 9/11 victims."

Day

Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.

Friend

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's nonexistent hairline, even though Josh has massive ears and his face looks like a monkey's... if they were white.

Holiday

Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

Adoption papers

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

Fortnite

A kid tell me he was gonna f**k my mom on Fortnite! So I told him I was gonna double pump his mom until she was wet like moisty meyers.

Like if you're not a gay.

Dislike if you're furry.

Repost if you HATE blacks.

Comment for VBUCKS.

Sub to me on YouTube, it's my friend and he has aids, send him joeide53rygq2ej/le nb rfcshsu 3nurtv N3Q5UERIUGWTC7w2VWGYEHIWAWASERYAANFYINSIDEFREHJOBUGFUYWUSGRFYDIDYFRG911

  • 8
  • Phone

    My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

    Grandma

    My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"

    Me: "Your mom gay lol."

    My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."

    You: "Your mom gay lol."

    Kill

    My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

    Me: I got 60 kills!

    My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

    Me: What's Call of Duty?

    Puberty

    Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”

    Friend: Ok?

    Me: I'mma hit puberty!

    *hits my friend*

    School

    Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."

    My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"

    Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"

    Sport

    When your friends [are] talking about sports:

    Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁

    Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱

    Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀