Friends jokes

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

(Getting brutally murdered.)

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.

His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”

Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Why don't orphans have any friends?

Because they don't have homies.

I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.

My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

Friend: Hey, wanna race home?

Orphan: What home?

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.

What do you call a friend in space?

Space friend.