Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.
Friends Jokes
I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
