Friends jokes

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.

My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.

I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.

A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

(Getting brutally murdered.)

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.

Why don't orphans have any friends?

Because they don't have homies.

I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.

Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.

What do you call a friend in space?

Space friend.

Me vs. the emo kid: we go to high-five a tree. I get a high five; the emo kid is left hanging.

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.