Friends jokes
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.