Friends jokes
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
I had a good time with friends!
I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.