Friends jokes
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."