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Friends jokes

Friend

My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."

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    • Brother

    When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.

    Bear

    I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

    Miracle

    Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

    She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

    "Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

    Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

    Competition

    So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

    Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

    Frank: Yo

    Fred: Hi...

    Frank: U heard about de competition?

    Fred: Yeah...

    Frank: You wanna hang out?

    Fred: .......

    Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

    Fred: ...I(

    Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

    Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

    Memes

    Friends memes

    Funeral

    Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

    I had a fun funeral / birthday.

    Test

    Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.

    Friend: What were the tests about?

    Me: Japan.

    Snow

    What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

    Emo

    Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.

    Cow

    A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

    On the COWch (couch).

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    • Friend

    A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

    Depression

    I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

    Fat People

    My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

    Friend

    What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

    Necrophilia

    So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

    When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

    He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

    Tree

    My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

    Friend

    My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

    Me: Yea-

    My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

    Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

    Coffin

    Me: Good night, everyone.

    My friends and family: Night.

    Me: *gets in coffin*

    My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

    My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.