Friends jokes
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.
Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.
A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
Denki: Hey Mineta, I have a joke.
Mineta: ...go on...
Denki: Ochako's booty.
Mineta: I don't get it?
Denki: Exactly.
Mineta: *cries T_T*
One time a crow saw a peacock and then wanted to be like a peacock, so he picked up peacock feathers and then wore them.
Then he starts walking and everybody thinks he's strange, and then his friends are not his friends anymore, and then after that he says, "Friends, please be my friends again. I'm sorry, I will be the way I am."
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...
"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?
Me: He could feel it in his bones.
Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!
Heheh ;3
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.