Friends jokes

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?

"5 second rule!"

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.

But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

What do you call an emo friend group?

The Suicide Squad.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.

My friend: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: O B C D.