Friends jokes

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.

Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?

Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?

Friend 1: Nope, guess again!

Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...

Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

Friend: Slavery isn't good.

Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.

Me: Shut up and get me a juice!

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

Why does the large dildo not have any friends?

He's a pain in the ass.

I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."

TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.

My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

My friend Andrew once told me that "weird is high and drunk at the same time."