I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read
me to my friend: i only date suicidal girls my friend: why?? me: because that pussy is limited edition
I love fire. My friends love it too. When i set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each were granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said "i wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "im lonely i wish my friends were back here."
are your hair line and forehead old friends because they go way back
What's the worse thing about having a congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess,His family is nuts his neighbor is an asshole,His best friend is a pussy and his owner beats him up!
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?" "Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.
My friend said why do you have depression there is so much happiness in the world and I said why do you have asma there is so much air in the world
girl: hey. orphan; hi girl; wanna be friends? orphan: sure girl:ok and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over
I called prank called someone saying SON! ITS ME SON! IM COMING FOR YOU!!! my friend next to me asked who i was calling and I said the orphanage
I have a short TRUE story of how i found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend. when my brother was 12-13 years, he fucked his best friend and i saw it. i was like 4-5 years UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. all i heard was "ahh" and "mmm". the only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". i was so traumatized that i told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "he's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT.. NO YOU DUMBASS. he was playing the game "SEX". more like "GAY SEX". I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that i heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend! i actually got so curious, i opened the door and saw then doing "69". i was blank white after i saw it. i will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it. (just a btw i still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..) (he ain't no virgin not more i guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbour leading a bull down the drive way and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
'What do you mean' says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me" replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks get piss drunk and listen to bull-shit!"
I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words, they wanted to hear them. They are: you still holding the ladder
friend 1: I don't want to jump. friend 2: me neither .murderer: if you don't jump ill stab you. friend 1: jumps. friend 2: jumps. murderer. i didn't mean off the building friend 1: I know that i just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy
why did the tomato cross the road to ketchup with his friends on the other side
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said go look in a mirror. I said thank you.
