Friends jokes

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.

I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.