When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends Chad just murdered his wife Claire and after doing that he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after My moms reply: Jesus Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess won’t he
Friend #1: "Whats your favourite thing about trees?" Friend #2: "Apples" Me: "I can hang myself in them."
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes they said they will stop soon
So today i heard a friend say she had a stalker, i can confirm i ́ve never seen a stalker following her.
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read."
Friend: UR LIT BRO!!
Me: Thats what my sleeve said to my arm
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s jump at his funeral
My only friend who actually cares: Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!
Me: Okay I’ll cut it out.
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and reg stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo, he tried high fiving a tree but it only left him hanging
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
“Why did Susie fall off the swing?” “Because she had no arms”
“Why could she get up off the ground?” “Because she had no friends”
“Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Not Susie, she’s still on the ground”
“Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?” “Everywhere” “Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?” “Because it was in a different body bag”
“Why did Susie drop her ice cream?” “She was hit by a bus”
“Why did Susie fall off the swing?” “Someone threw a refrigerator at her”
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates? If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
whats the pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy story *i got a friend in me*
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: Bro, you still got my Nikes? Boy 2: Ye, sorry. I got em dirty. Boy 1: Please clean them, we have school tomorrow.
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
What did the salad say to pineapple
Lettuce be friends
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all! :D
