Friends jokes

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

My mother didn't want me to love my sister. That made me angry. But then, one day I found this quote: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Since that day, I fuck my sister hard and my MOM harder!

What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.

I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.