Friends jokes

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?

"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"

A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"

He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead, so are you.

(I have no friends because all of my friends play Fortgay, just like my friends all of them are gay.)

Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.

Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

Are your forehead and hairline friends? 'Cause they go way back.

Why are friends a lot like snow?

If you pee on them, they disappear.

My "friend" has dyslexia.

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.

Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

Why is the beach friendly?

Because it waves!