Friends jokes
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.
Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
Last night I slipped on a banana.
My friend said it was a-peeling!
My friend tried to sleep on napkins.
I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."
Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.
Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.
My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?
Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?
Friend 1: Nope, guess again!
Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...
Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"