Friends jokes
I have a trans friend.
He is in a polyamorous relationship and would be straight if they had a dick.
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
Why can't an orphan be friends with Dom Toretto?
Dom doesn't have friends; he has "family."
Ur mom, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I have no friends :'(
My friends.
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
My friend: “Vaporeon is my favorite Pokémon.”
Me: “Hey, did you kno-“
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.
Friend: "Your jokes are too short."
Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."
Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."
Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."
Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.