New Friend Jokes - Page 42 - Worst Jokes Ever

"What do you do with your free time?"

"I stalk."

"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."

"I know."

What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?

You need to com-it.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.

My sister's friends are hilarious, like seriously, haha.

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."

Friend: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Friend: Your life.

Me: Ahhh, I wish!

*jumps off building*

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?

My friend: What?

Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.

Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."

Friend: Your life is a joke.

Me: No, jokes have meaning.

Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."