I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."
Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me, because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.
Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...
my wife found a rock and asked if it was exspenive and i said it leavarite she said is that exspensive and it told her leave it rite there
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
Papyrus:Sans can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human! Sans:Sure bro lemme just get on the Tele-bone Papyrus:Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!! Sans:yea bro Papyrus:You know what I will tell Undyne instead.
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What's got you down" The man says "I just found out my Niece is gay." The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks "What's got you down now?" The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says "My wife does."
So I went to the gym and I found a hymm
My disabled dad went to the grocery store
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him
Finally he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down”. One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river. The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee”!
aunt: on internet buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars neice: i found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch its 3 dollars to watch aunt: im not paying for that shit neice: yet u sit there and buy weight loss pills
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Whats yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties
I just found out i'm colourblind!
The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!
I followed the sun for a day (stood there at noon) found my self at the same stop.
i just found out my ex got stabbed today....lets just say i lost my job as a butcher
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek. It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?: She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff; they found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
I carried a magnet, then people found me very ATTACTING.