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Found jokes

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?

Answer: 16

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”

The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”

“Hot water?”

“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”

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    • You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.

    Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."

    A boi found a magic vase and a genie came out and told him he had one wish. The boy said, "I wanna be like Batman." The genie said, "OK, your wish is granted."

    The boy came home later that day and his parents were dead.

    One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.

    After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.

    So Kenny finally found his one true love.

    But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.

    What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?

    Both of those are commonly found in basements.

    It was 2017, and lots of people were hating RiceGum because he released "Frick Da Police," a diss track insulting Idubbbz's Content Cop video on RiceGum.

    A few hours after the diss track was released, someone went to Rice's house and spray painted "Asian Jake Paul" on the wall of the front of his house.

    Rice went to "meet" Idubbbz, then he saw the graffiti.

    "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

    Hours later, police found 4 suspects.

    "Explain."

    Sus 1: I don't vandalize.

    Sus 2: I was staying indoors because it was rainy.

    Sus 3: I fucking hate RiceGum, but I would not ruin his cheap ass house lol.

    Sus 4: I eat bricks.

    Police: I know who.

    RiceGum: Who?

    Police: ITS-

    807907070707007607865909685780970695067586708650968095768076895708769875660980765970659062870907965607867856067586908

    Notice anything in the number crowd?

    Comment the answer below and I will see who is correct.

    Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.

    One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.

    So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.

    Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.

    He just couldn’t figure out who.

    Once, a mother worked in an orphanage as a cooker. She had a son and a daughter—twins.

    When she was going to her work, she decided to take the twins with her. They were happy, they got ready and played with other children while their mother was cooking for other kids. Then, a poor family entered the orphanage. They said they wanted to adopt twins. As soon as they saw the children playing, they noticed the woman's kids. They said they wanted to adopt them. The manager said they weren't orphans, but before he said it, a teacher accidentally gave them to the poor family under the names of Layla and Logan. The kids were Kyle and Kayla. They went away with their new children, but the kids cried, they said they weren't orphans and that their mother was in the orphanage, cooking. The poor family didn't believe, they thought it was the children's reaction of getting adopted. The woman went outside of the kitchen, she didn't see her children. She asked the teacher... And when she found out, she screamed and ran outside. She was running at the poor family, when they thought she was a psychopath and wanted to kill them.

    When Kyle and Kayla looked back, they saw their mother. They swung their hands so the poor family could let them away. They ran to their mother and hugged her. The poor family got shocked and called the cops. But the mother, she showed the documents and her parent rights. This all explains the worst joke, "Yo Momma Lost Ya."

    I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"

    I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."

    She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.

    How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.

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