Food jokes
Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Condensed.
Condensed who?
Condensed milk.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
"Break me a piece of that Kit Kat bar."
Someone cutting the cheese then farted.
Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"
What did an orange say the day before going to work?
"Back to the rind!"
Isn't it sad that orphans are only allowed self raising flour? Orphan-👁👄👁
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
Why is there A/C in hospitals?
So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.
What's a cannibal's favorite place?
A day care.
An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.
After 12, it's lunch. 😂
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.