Food jokes
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?
It made sour milk.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I do not know.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What did the mustard say to the ketchup? "Quit running so fast, let me ketchup to you."
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Orange you glad I didn't say apple again?
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
Tamalito.
Why was the tamale in the hospital? Because he was a "tamalito."
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?
Answer: 16
Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked up.
So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."