If a walnut is a nut on the wall, then what is a peanut?
Food Jokes
If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.
Why do orphans hate Costco? Because they can't get in and try the free samples.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
"Ketchup with me, you are too slow."
What’s an orphan’s least favorite beverage? Milk.
Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
