What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
Food Jokes
How do u make a sausage roll?
Push it down the hill.🍆
When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?
“Chip Chip Hooray!”
In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.
What starts with a "v" and ends with a "k"? A veggie Karen.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
Why was the apple 🍎 sad?
Because he got his peelings hurt.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
What did the policeman shout to the cow running away?
"Get to the ground, beef!"
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute?
Ground beef.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
What's long and black? The line at KFC.
Why don't orphans like pizza? Because they don't have parents, that's why.
Cheese, gimme cheese!
(inspired by a friend)
What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
