Flower jokes

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

Roses are red, I wish you were dead.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.

It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-

I fell into a water bed with super soil. Next thing I'm in a flower bed.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.

What's an orphan's favorite flower?

A self-raising flower.

Roses are red, violets are violet. I mean, come on, it's literally in the name!

Q: What type of flowers do orphans hate? A: Mums.

How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?

Put a flower on their gravestone.

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?

In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

What type of flower do you give an orphan?

A self-raising [flour].

Roses are red and violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the third one's for you.

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower?

One is beautiful.

Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!

Teacher: What's 55 flowers plus 67 flowers?

Kid: A garden?

Teacher: Did I tell you that you're adopted?