When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
Fish Jokes
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.
What do you call a fish with no parents?
An orfin.
What is a fish's favorite fruit/vegetable?
An avacodo.
"Fish, why you no fly?"
"I don't like being caught naked."
My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
Now he's a bronze fish.
Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?
He was rotten to the albacore.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
What do you call a fish with no I? A fshhhhhh!
What is a fish’s 🐟 favorite game?
Salmon Says!
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.
