Fish jokes
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
What's a fish's least favorite instrument?
A ClariNET!
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature, which would he be?
A: Adlof-in.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
What did the fish get on his math test?
A sea plus.
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.