Fired jokes

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

How do rappers stay warm in the winter?

With their FIRE LYRICS!

LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?

Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?

Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!

Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.

Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."

Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."

Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.

I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.

What begins in F and ends in UCK?

Fire truck.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.

Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.

Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).

Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*

Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.

A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!

Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?

My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).