Fired jokes
What do you call a disabled kid on fire?
Hot wheels.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? "We are Family."
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? "Family Guy."
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? "Meet the Parents."
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
Next: Inappropriate Jokes
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
True story.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What happened when the fire used Tinder?
He luckily got a lot of matches.
I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
What did the fox say to the fire?
You look hot!
I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.