Fired jokes

Baby

    • Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

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    • Cowboy

    • One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."

    The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."

    The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.

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    • Hell

    • This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

    God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

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    • Baker

    • I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

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    • Fired memes

    Fire

    • Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

    Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    Job

    • I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

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    • Cigarette

    • What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common? They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

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    • Gun

    • I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

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    • Bus

    • 1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

    - A bus full of children.

    2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

    - He died of a yeast infection.

    3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

    - “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

    4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

    - Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

    5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

    - Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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    • God

    • God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

    People of Earth: *running and screaming*

    Santen: *to God* Really?

    Grandma

    • Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

    But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

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