Fired jokes
Apex Legends: exists.
Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."
What did the rapper say to the traffic jam?
"Move over, I'm about to drop some FIRE!"
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."
What do you call an emo kid playing with fire?
Forgot to clean little piece of dust.
There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones!
I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that walks into a fire?
Hot Wheels.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"
Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."
Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."
Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”