Fired jokes
I like fire trucks and monster trucks.
Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.
Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.
Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."
Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."
Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.
Now they call him Hot Wheels.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.