Fired jokes

Cannibal

    • How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

    You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.

    You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

    He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

    You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

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    • Fire

    • Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

    Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

    Sign

    • I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

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    • Fired memes

    People

    • 9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.

    2 people bought plants.

    3 people bought shovels.

    1 person yelled.

    3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.

    1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁‍♀️🤦‍♀️

    9/11

    • Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

    A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

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    • Day

    • I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

    Factory

    • I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!

    Incest

    • Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."

    Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."

    Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."

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