Fired jokes

What do you call a wheelchair kid that is on fire?

Hot Wheels.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair going through a fire? Ghost Rider.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of car on fire? Hot wheels.

Two sticks only make a fire.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

True story.

Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).

POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.

Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.

2 people bought plants.

3 people bought shovels.

1 person yelled.

3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.

1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.

What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

Why are fire trucks big?

To hang out with the firefighters!

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?

Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.