Fired jokes

What do you call a wheelchair kid that is on fire?

Hot Wheels.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair going through a fire? Ghost Rider.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

True story.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.

Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of car on fire? Hot wheels.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).

Two sticks only make a fire.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheeles.

POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.

Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.

2 people bought plants.

3 people bought shovels.

1 person yelled.

3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.

1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.

What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

What's black and at the top of the staircase? Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!