Fired jokes
The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the World Trade Center.
What did the fox say to the fire?
You look hot!
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
What do you call California during a forest fire?
Completely normal.
So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...
Crit especially if you are a rouge
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
Damn, this new Angry Birds is fire!
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?
Hot Wheels...
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? "HOT WHEELS"
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.
Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What's black and found on top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.