Fired jokes

What do you call a wheelchair kid that is on fire?

Hot Wheels.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

True story.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheeles.

Two sticks only make a fire.

I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).

Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.

POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.

Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.

2 people bought plants.

3 people bought shovels.

1 person yelled.

3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.

1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.

Why are fire trucks big?

To hang out with the firefighters!

What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

What's black and at the top of the staircase? Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels.