New Finance Jokes - Page 4 - Worst Jokes Ever

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?

Getting the water bill.

A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"

"Six pounds."

"And shaving?"

"Three pounds."

"Good, then shave my head."

Want to save 50% on your Chinese?

Just ask before you pay.

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

Q: What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

A: Cha-Ching!

Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.

Cashier: Is this your final purchase?

Customer: Actually, yes it is!

Why did Hitler commit suicide?

He got the gas bill.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.

One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."