Finance jokes
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?
What do you call a rich Chinese guy?
"Ching ching."
When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.
Was he under insurance claim?
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."