New Finance Jokes - Page 17 - Worst Jokes Ever

I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."

(Pause)

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."

"Jeff who?"

"Bezos."

What's a psych ward worker's favorite incense?

Insurance fraud.

Why did the dumb blonde take a shower outside of the house while it was raining?

Because the dumb blonde did not pay the water bill!

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

Daddy, good morning, please, I want too, but Davido's second-hand towel is 2.5 million.

I just donated $100 to a blind children's charity, suck that no one will see it.

If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.

What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!

"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."

I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.

An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.

So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.

A man entered the bank branch and asked the teller to withdraw his account balance. The teller debited his account and gave the man all his money. Then the man counted the money and asked the teller to deposit it back into his account.

The teller asked the man why he withdrew the money and deposited it back. Then the man replied, "I wanted to make sure all my money is safe and tallies with my records."

Lol

I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."

Doin (DYM 15).

Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

Girl: Your card got declined.

Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

Why did the chicken crack the safe?

To get to her nest egg.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!