Finance jokes

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

For those of you greener than a Mexican's card when it comes to this website, it's darker than the unemployment line.

What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?

7/11

What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.

Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.

Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!

You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.

What do you call a rich Asian?

Cha-ching!

Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.

Messi isn't as rich as Ronaldo. He cannot afford a Lamborghini.

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

Does money grow on trees? No.

What is money made of? Paper.

What is paper made out of? Trees!

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?

Because they have to pay for road tax.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

I was at the bank yesterday.

A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.