Film jokes

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the Fresh prints.

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?

Alien vs. Predator.

What's the song that plays at the very end of the movie, Dr. Strangecow, during the montage of nuclear blasts?

"Veal meat again, don't know where, don't know when..."

What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?

Jurassic Park.

What's a cow's favorite thing?

A mooooovie.

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

What is Forrest Gump's password?

1forest1

Octopussy.

What do you call security outside a Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

What do you call a bar run by Gungans?

Jar Jar Drinks.

I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.

I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.

What do you call a baby in the crib?

Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.

If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.

P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.

WALL-E

Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.

Actor: Really? What do I do?

Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll let it go!

Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.

My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.