Octopussy.
Film Jokes
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
What do you call a bar run by Gungans?
Jar Jar Drinks.
I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.
I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.
What do you call a baby in the crib?
Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
WALL-E
Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.
Actor: Really? What do I do?
Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go!
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
"Bippity Bobbity Boo, Boo Radley is coming for you!"
Watched a really cool cartoon about rabbits with Down syndrome yesterday. You should try watching it on catch up... "Watership Down."
What do you call three people in a dark room? A porno.
Bra eat E.T.?
Spaceballs: The Joke.
Spaceballs: The Comment.
