Figure Of Speech jokes
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
Why was the sun ☀️ mad at the clouds ☁️?
Because the clouds kept throwing shade.
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it would be a piece of cake! 🎂😂
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
What did the dirt say to the embers?
You look smoking hot.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
Yo mama so fat when she walks the earth talks!
LMAO
Yo mama so fat that the weighing scale said, "To be continued..."
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!