Figure Of Speech jokes
Why was the rapper always cold?
Because his lyrics were too ICY!
"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.
Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.
What did the dirt say to the embers?
You look smoking hot.
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it would be a piece of cake! 🎂😂
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
Yo mama so fat when she walks the earth talks!
LMAO
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
Yo mama so fat that the weighing scale said, "To be continued..."
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.